Dear Uncle Carl,
One of our competitors has just closed and of course we’ll speak to the clients they had left. There’s a member of the staff I’d like to employ too when things pick up. But I wondered, what else should I be doing?

Obviously you need to be aware that when they went down the tubes did they actually have the right clients and staff in place in the first place and therefore do you want them? ‘Hopefully’ their demise was simply down to poor judgment at a tough time? As a new business strategy it isn’t the most glamorous but it has to be worth exploring – and fuck it, they would do it to you quicker than you can say “where’s Charles Walls gone?”
 
Dear Uncle Carl,
I’ve seen people ask you what an agency should look for in a potential new recruit before; but what should a potential recruit look for in an agency?

Hurrah a candidate with a fucking brain! Thank you for reading and taking in what I have been saying for most of my career to be honest. Everyone who takes on a new role has more to lose than the company employing them if it doesn’t work out. Do your homework. Look at the track records of the directors and the business; I know of an agency that has had more comebacks than Frank Sinatra and the consistent factor has been its directors. I came across a finance director who joined an agency I knew. I had never heard of him so I did some digging and the previous three businesses he had been involved in had gone ‘pop’ and sure enough the agency went ‘pop’ – coincidence? Check out published league tables, look at how old their client base is, is it renewing, refreshing and growing or is it ageing? Is the agency ‘sector specific’ and carrying too much vulnerability in one industry? Try to find out where the agency’s revenues come from. Are they over reliant on one company? What are the press, their clients, their ex-staff and their suppliers saying about them? Ask them what their future plans are. Ask them if they have let people go in the past and why. What are their conversion rates from enquiries to pitch to client? Just do your homework. You are about to entrust them with you and your family’s future so interview them just as hard if not harder than they interview you.

Dear Uncle Carl,
One of my senior creatives is a mercurial genius, but he’s also the biggest prat I know. He’s obnoxious, annoys the hell out of people and no one likes him; in fact I know half of the creative team want shot of him. But I worry that he’s too good to let go. Do we stick with a bad apple or should we jettison him?

A lot of my staff didn’t like my last creative director, but fuck ‘em, I ran the place and I knew he was ‘the man’. I always likened my agency to a footy team - I was the manager and sometimes I had to have a prima donna superstar striker who I knew upset the ‘right back’ or the ‘work-man mid-fielder,’ but my superstar could draw in the crowds, have moments of genius and gave us a different dimension. The ‘right backs’ of my world were ten a penny, so if they didn’t like it then they could move on. When I left I took my superstar to one side and gave him a little gift from me to him to let him know I thought he was the best. Also, if I started an agency tomorrow I would sign him up – would you do that for your enfant terrible? If not then go for the easy life and get rid and you can all have a mediocre existence while your ‘Cantona’ goes to someone who can manage him and reaps the rewards.
 
Dear Uncle Carl,
My agency is at the stage where we need to find investment to grow it as we’d like. We’ve had a couple of tentative offers from outside investors, but I’m cautious about handing over a share in the agency to someone who might not have its best intentions at heart. What should we be wary of when doing this kind of deal?

You need to bear in mind that all ‘investment’ is based on greed. It’s not an altruistic gesture and there are more fekkin strings attached than an episode of Thunderbirds. Everybody wants their pound of flesh in return. I would suggest that you make sure if it’s just cash you want that you exhaust all usual avenues of funding. Don’t just try one bank, try ten banks - they all have different criteria. Have you checked out government and regionally backed funding schemes, some of which kick in once ‘traditional’ routes have failed? Individual investors may be a way of receiving borrowing, as opposed to investment - they may simply want a high rate of interest. This is worth checking out as these guys ain’t getting good interest anywhere else. Just be very careful giving away equity, perhaps you should consider part equity investment and part loan. You say you need money but do you need it all at one go? Staged investment may appeal to banks as you demonstrate how effective your strategy for growth and repayment is. There are a few predators out there at the moment willing to do a deal and take a big slice for a small investment and once the short term benefit of cash has left the table you may find you have leapt in to bed with a nightmare. Take my word on this tread fucking carefully. And exhaust the banks.
 
Dear Uncle Carl,
I’ve been searching for a creative director for some time. The CD’s in the regions I admire are in agencies that I don’t think they’d leave. We’re talking to some people in London, but I’ve see many CDs move up from London and sod off five minutes later. How do I know if someone down there really wants to work for us and has the fire in their belly to tough it out, or whether they just want a break in the country?

The truth is, you don’t. If I was looking for someone to relocate I would be looking beyond their career path and asking about their past and their family. Have they got ties to the area? If they have moved south in the first place or they went to university in the region or perhaps their partner comes from the region – all of these are reasons to return that I have come across and they have all meant that the candidate has stayed.

As you say, there are some great creative people in the regions and the fact that you think they won’t leave means diddly squat. Approach them; you have no idea of the pressures their current employer maybe under so perhaps they are ready to jump ship. Put the vacancy on your site and your social sites, tell a few people ‘in confidence’ and you will be staggered at how quickly the word gets around. Good luck.

Are you troubled? Don’t be. send all your questions for uncle Carl to dear.carl@carnyx.com Or, If you wish to meet with carl to talk about your business, email him on ch@kloog.ch